red moon over west virginia - 10. moe

by jeremy witherington

part 10 of 36

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moe the zo woke up. he did not have to wake up, because he had nothing particular to do, and nowhere particular to go, but he did. he got up and got dressed and made himself presentable and went out. he walked down the street. up ahead he saw the sheriff, sheriff joe steel, standing in front of bud the slud’s pool hall. moe wondered what was going on, if the sheriff was up and about at such an early hour. maybe it was not quite as early as moe thought. be that as it may, it would not do to seem to be avoiding the sheriff, so moe continued on his path until he caught up with the sheriff, who seemed tp be waiting for him. good morning sheriff, moe ventured politely. good morning yourself, the sheriff replied. how is your worthless bum on welfare carcass this morning? very well, sheriff. though i do not think you have any call to reproach me for being a bum on welfare, because such is my destiny. the sheriff smiled in his evil way from beneath his bushy black mustache. that is all very well, moe my friend, but have you you and your destiny been behaving yourselves lately? of course, what else would we be doing? did you hear the news? i guess not, since i do not know what you are referring to. there is a new technology. there is always a new technology. but not so much for the likes of me. no, the sheriff smiled, this is for the likes of me - those who are entrusted with keeping the peace and enforcing the laws of civilization. you do not say so. a cold breeze had sprung up, and moe wished the sheriff would say whatever it was he had to say, so that he, moe, could enter the pool hall or otherwise go about his business. i do say so, the sheriff replied. very well, then, since you are so eager to tell me about it, please proceed. moe took the liberty of rubbing his hands together, to indicate that he was getting cold. the new technology, sheriff joe steel announced triumphantly, will enable us to read minds. even mine? moe asked. i do not really have much of a mind to read. that’s funny. very funny. we will find out how funny it is. and with that, the sheriff turned and entered the pool hall. moe did not wish to follow him inside, so he continued down the street into the cold wind which had picked up. next

red moon over west virginia - 9. restless moon

by jeremy witherington

part 9 of 36

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the carol burnett show was a good one, but pete pickering had already seen it many times. carol had invited albert einstein and marilyn monroe over for dinner, but she had forgotten that the her aunt samantha and her cousin sassafras had sent her a telegram a few weeks before saying they might drop by on their way to atlantic city. naturally, carol did not want her aunt and cousin embarrassing her in front of albert einstein and marilyn monroe! what could she do? she decided to call “packy the problem solver”, played by special guest jackie gleason wearing a mustache like stalin’s, to help her out. packy had a solution. he would waylay aunt samantha and cousin sassafras and put then in a diving bell which he would lower into the delaware river while carol was entertaining albert and marilyn! it was all set. but just as the cab containing albert and marilyn pulled up outside carol’s apartment the phone rang. it was a cool, clear night. it was packy/jackie gleason. he told the frantic carol that samantha and sassafras were not alone but had won a live dinosaur as a jackpot prize on a slot machine in one of the casinos. and they were approaching carol’s place not by bus but in an entourage with a truck containing the dinosaur and an escort of three army tanks! packy/jackie did not have any diving bells big enough to hold them all! did carol have any suggestions? just then carol’s buzzer buzzed. albert and marilyn were in the lobby! she had better think fast! it was all good fun, but pete knew how it would all end and there was a full moon outside and he was feeling restless. he turned off the tv and put his jacket on and went downstairs and went outside. he got into his faitfhul pickup truck, turned on the ignition, and headed for his beloved highway. next

red moon over west virginia - 8. the night clerk

by jeremy witherington

part 8 of 36

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johnny opened the door. the night desk clerk, mr robert roover, who had not been on duty when frankie and johnny had checked in at noon , stood before him. can i help you, johnny asked him in his habitually polite and smooth manner. yes, i am sorry to bother you, but we have had a complaint about the noise from this room. we wasn’t making no stinking noise, frankie shouted. johnny ignored her. i am sorry, he told mr roover , but it won’t happen again. we were having a slightly heated argument, snd i am afraid i may have overreacted a little bit. i accept full responsibility and assure you again it won’t happen again. jeez, johnny, frankie interposed, can you lay on the soft soap or what? you can spread more of them bubbles than pharoah spread sand over the desert. mr roover coughed discreetly. thank you, he addressed johnny. i am afraid the guest who complained, lord curzon, is a rather short tempered gentleman of delicate constitution. thank you for being so understanding. hey, i know this guy, frankie said. i seen him somewhere. i know, i seen him in the papers and i don’t mean the funny papers neither. yes sir, johnny added in a more civilized manner, i seem to recognize you myself. ah, i am afraid you have found me out, sir, the clerk replied ruefully. although i now call myself robert roover, i was formerly known as herbert hoover, and occupied, however fleetingly, positions of some responsibility in the great world. of course, johnny exclaimed. i should have recognized you sooner. well, sir, i can only hope you are adjusting without too much difficulty to your present circumstances. you know, man. frankie addressed mr roover/hoover, you shouldn’t ever be ashamed of who you are. it don’t pay in the long run. even judas iscariot and ted bundy owned up to who they were. so take my advice, and stand up and tell the world who you are. the night clerk bowed toward frankie. thank you, madam, for that heartfelt advice and no doubt well earned wisdom. and on that happy note, i bid you both good evening. roover/hoover left, and closed the door softly behind him. johnny went back to the bed and picked the newspaper off it and handed it back to frankie. frankie took the pencil from behind her ear and resumed doing the crossword puzzle. johnny sat down on the bed, and stared into space, looking thoughtful. next

red moon over west virginia - 7. the news

by jeremy witherington

part 7 of 36

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why don’t you show me the crossword puzzle, johnny repeated. i don’t have to show you no stinking crossword puzzle, frankie replied. just because society recognizes you as my so-called man doesn’t mean i have to show you nothing. my, aren’t we feeling feisty tonight, johnny sneered. no need to get all high and mighty and persnickety just because you get a polite request in all good faith and sincerity. frankie took the pencil she had been doing the crossword with and stuck it behind her delicately molded ear, and tossed the newspaper with the crossword puzzle in it to johnny, who caught it before it landed on the bed. hey, johnny said, you almost hit my hat. you could have knocked it on the floor. i don’t care if your stinking hat gets knocked on the stinking floor, frankie replied hotly. johnny opened the newspaper. well, he said, since you were nice enough to give me this newspaper, i may as well read the news. do you not want to look at the crossword puzzle? frankie asked. all in good time, all in good time. what do we have here - paris talks inconclusive. well, that is not very interesting. markets hold steady despite unrest in singapore. that is even less interresting. and not very funny. if you don’t want to look at the crossword give me back the paper, if you please. seven dead in shootout outside yukon, oklahoma. that is more like it. there was probably a woman involved. give me back my paper, you bum, so i can finish my crossword puzzle. before johnny could reply, there was a knock on the door. who can that be? frankie asked. we were not making any noise. not to speak of. johnny carefully folded the newspaper and put it down on the bed beside his hat, which was stlll a bit damp. next

red moon over west virginia - 6. frankie and johnny

by jeremy witherington

part 6 of 36

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johnny walked into the room. frankie was sitting on the floor, doing a crossword puzzle. johnny threw his hat on the bed. i didn’t know you had a hat, frankie said. i didn’t know you had a bed, johnny replied. that’s enough of that , frankie said, how did it go? it’s not raining out. that’s why my hat is not wet. i would not have thrown my hat on your bed if it was, because i am not that kind of guy. it’s not my bed, frankie said. no? then whose is it? johnny asked. king richard’s. i told him he could leave it here. and where did he go? back to the holy land? no, he headed for the hills, because the hellhounds are on his trail. the hills are a good place for him. i hope he stays there, be that as it may, frankie replied patiently. how did it go? with king john? not good. he was not interested in what i had to say. but you talked to him yourself? not just to harry the horse or somebody like that? johnny looked hurt at frankie’s words. of course i talked to him myself. what do you take me for, some schmuck from schmucksville? he’s my old homeboy. so why wasn’t your old homeboy interested in what you had to say? he had other priorities. oh, well that explains it. i guess it does. do you mind if i sit down on the bed? it is not my bed, it is king richard’s. but do not let me stop you. johnny sat down on the bed. he was careful not to sit on top of his hat. now what? johnny said. i am thinking, frankie told him. you look to me like you are doing the crossword puzzle. you do not think i can think and do the crossword puzzle at the same time? no, i do not. in fact, i do not think you were really even doing the crossword puzzle, i think you were just pretending. that is a mean thing to say, said frankie. then why don’t you show me the crossword puzzle? johnny replied. where are we anyway? asked frankie. what are we doing here? br> next

red moon over west virginia - 5. the bait

by jeremy witherington

part 5 of 36

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jeanie decided to wait until a bum, preferably female, came through town, and arrest them for vagrancy or whatever, and then propose to them that she, jeanie, would go easy on them if they agreed to act as bait to entrap pete pickering in his serial killing. it was not the greatest plan, but it was the best she could come up with. and she had a while to wait. meanwhile, pete pickering continued blithely riding around in his pickup, picking up hitchhikers, mostly at night but sometimes in broad daylight or on cloudy or rainy days. and there was another murder. and maria theresa refused to hear anything against pete. just a bum in a beef with another bum, she announced blandly, when jeanie showed her the pictures of the bludgeoned body found beside the highway just inside the county line. then desdemona appeared. she was walking along the road, free as a bird and happy as a hot dog, when jeanie pulled up beside her. going anywhere? she asked. just passing through. got a name? folks call me desdemona. got any i d? no, i lost it back in butte, montana. there was this guy, see - want a meal? i’ll take it. get in. desdemona got in. i got a proposition for you, jeanie said as she started the cruiser up. along with the meal? yes, along with the meal. is the meal nice and hot? it might be one or the other, i can’t guarantee both. br> next

red moon over west virginia - 4. the listener

by jeremy witherington

part 4 of 36

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pete pickering was an easygoing man. he just was. it was his nature. when he retired after working thirty-two years for the power company, he enjoyed just driving around in his pickup truck, enjoying the scenery and sometime picking up hitchhikers, whom he enjoyed talking to and listening to their stories, if they cared to share them. there had been a number of mysterious disappearances in the area, and sheriff jeanie bapworth suspected pete of being a serial killer and causing most or all of the disappearances. but she could not get any evidence on him. when jeanie unveiled her suspicions to the district attorney, maria theresa, maria was not impressed. so the only thing you have against poor pete is that he drives around in his truck? maria asked. well, the killer would have to drive around, wouldn’t he? jeanie retorted. no doubt, but i can not very well ask judge john calhoun for a warrant to search his premises on such a flimsy basis as that. with that, the subject was closed so far as maria theresa was concerned. but jeanie was more determined than ever to get the goods on pete. jeanie would have liked to go out and stand on the windy highway and wait for pete to pick her up and see what he was up to. but this did not seem like a feasible proposition as pete would surely recognize her. jeanie accepted the fact that she, jeanie, was not a master of disguise, and even if she tried it and pete seemed to not see through her, how was she to know but that he really did? it was a conundrum, all right. she would have to find some other way. next