red moon over west virginia - 2. the dream

by jeremy witherington

part 2 of 36

for previous episode, click here

to begin at the beginning, click here

johnny , how could you do this to me? don carlos woke up. what a strange dream! who was the woman who had addressed him as johnny? and what had johnny done to the poor creature that she should be so upset with him. don carlos got up and looked out the one window of the small room. the day was still overcast. it appeared that the rain which had seemed so imminent in the morning had not materialized, as the street outside seemed quite dry. still puzzling over the strange dream - in which he, don carlos, the rightful heir to the imperial thrones of spain and portugal, had seemed to play the role of a common spiv or apache - he put his hat and coat on and exited the little room. he walked slowly down the six flights of stairs, slowly twirling the ends of his scarf in his fingers. he did not expect to see anyone on the stairs, and did not do so. in his six days in the building, he had not seen anyone on the stairs or landings, or heard anyone in any of the rooms, and had come to the conclusion that the building was deserted, except for himself and the little woman to whom he had given a week’s rent. which reminded him, his second week’s rent was due on the next day. he smiled as he wondered if he could simply move into one of the other rooms, stay out of sight of the little woman, and avoid paying the rent… a subterfuge hardly worthy of the rightful heir of the imperial thrones of spain and portugal. reaching the street, he decided to get his cup of coffee at the cafe he had given his custom three days ago, on wednesday. he did not wish to become too familiar a face at any one spot. at the same time, he did not wish to wander too far afield, as this deathly silent neighborhood quite suited his purpose. next

red moon over west virginia - 1. the next day

by jeremy witherington

part 1 of 36

to begin at the beginning, click here

so, we understand each other. molotov nodded. after a pause he said, victory will not come without sacrifice. that is quite true, lord curzon agreed. my business is finished here, molotov said. i may as well leave. without another word he got up and left. a door opened behind lord curzon and catherine stepped into the office. how perfectly excruciating, she said. it is just his way, lord curzon murmured. all these understandings, catherine grumbled. i could use a little excitement. the time for excitement will come, lord curzon assured her. there was nothing more to say. catherine looked out the window. it was a gray morning, with the threat of eternal rain. all the same, she thought, the ceremony might have been performed with a bit less pomp. or. perhaps, even more pomp. if it was going to be a show, why not a real show? next

red moon over west virginia - 0. a dark night

by jeremy witherington

part 0 of 36

it was a dark and cloudy night, down by the docks. eva peron sat alone in a room. perhaps, she thought, there is something to be said for both sides. she got up and put her hat and coat on and went outside. quietly she closed the door behind her.. she was to report to headquarters immediately. so this was how it ended. the headquarters building was dark. there were no guards outside. the front door opened easily. eva eschewed the elevator and walked up the three flights of stairs to lord halifax’s’s office. lord halifax was alone in his office. his desk was bare, except for a plain white envelope in its center. take this letter, lord halifax told eva, to the person we were speaking of earlier. eva picked up the letter. it was very light, and she suspected it might be empty. i could use a drink, she said. very well. lotd halifax’s coat hung on a rack beside the desk. he reached over and took a flask out of the pocket of the coat and handed it to eva. eva took a drink from the flask. the fiery liquid went down her throat like a thousand flaming amazon rivers. it never ends, does it, she said as she handed the flask back. so it would seem, lord halifax agreed. next

johnny and sandy #2 : a good dog

by jeremy witherington

illuatrations by danny delacroix and konrad kraus

for previous episode, click here

robbie sat in the corner like the good dog he was and watched the four humans eat. he knew enough not to approach the table unless there was a good chance one of the humans would give him a scrap. and his chances tonight did not look good because they were having hamburger helper - again! the humans thought he liked hamburger helper but he did not. the humans thought they knew a lot of things but they did not. humans were incredibly stupid. they did not know the directions of the stars, and could hardly tell one star from another. they did not suspect the true size of the universe, or the directions it was traveling in, or even that it had directions it was traveling in. their brains, and their auras, and their interactions with each other, were hopelessly clouded with the constant circular static of their pointless yapping. they could not bark, and barely understood the simplest barking by dogs, or the other perfectly clear signals of other inhabitants of the planet. they did not know which direction to walk in, to eat in, or sleep in, or do much of anything in. they quarreled endlessly about nothing, about the little puffs of static their inferior brains produced. but somehow - somehow - they were the masters - at least for a time - of creatures far superior to themselves. there was, of course, only one possible reason. and that is that they were themselves the puppets of invisible and unknown masters… these and similar thoughts drifted through robbie’s brain as he watched johnny shovel mashed potatoes and creamed spinach into his mouth … with a fork! what was the point of humans using forks? instead of just using their hands? they still washed their hands - and then they had to waste water by washing the fork too! johnny noticed robbie watching him. johnny laughed. how about it, boy, he addrssed robbie, you want some creamed spinach? dogs don’t like creamed spinach, sandy announced authoritatively. how do you know? johnny asked. i just do. typical! to be continued

the waitress

by jeremy witherington

illustrations by jacqueline lemot

a story with over 20 nonillion (20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000) variations

bill was a - a good guy b - a bad guy c - a regular guy d - a boring guy janet was a - a bitch b - a slut c - a saint d - just a person bill and janet had a - a boy and a girl b - 2 boys and a girl c - 2 girls and a boy d - 18 children they lived in a - a penthouse b - a shack by the side of the road c - with bill’s mom d - in the park bill had a - a big nose b - big ears c - a good heart d - a big smile janet had a - a big ass b - big boobs c - a nasty face d - the weight of the world on her shoulders lucy was a - bill and janet’s oldest child b - bill’s old girl friend c - janet’s twin sister d - a homicide detective dave was a - lucy’s supervisor b - lucy’s old boy friend c - a serial killer d - a troll amanda was a - a victim b - loaded with dough c - a panhandler d - the spirit of love in a hate-filled world dave thought amanda was a - an idiot b - a babe c - a mark d - a terrorist moe was amanda’s a - dad b - daddy c - long lost child d - twin brother moe was a - a drunk b - a sex addict c - the son of a preacher man d - an easygoing sort mickey was a - moe’s best friend b - amanda’s next door neighbor c - nobody to mess with d - a poet and a dreamer bill and dave a - went to high school together b - were on the same bowling team c - went to the same church d - went to the same supermarket dave thought janet a - had fucked bill up big time b - was hot c - should mind her own business d - reminded him of his mother dave and amanda a - needed to talk b - decided to get to know each other c - agreed to compare notes d - overheard a conversation between tony and carla tony was a - the boss of the whole east coast b - a poet and a dreamer c - a retired delicatessen owner d - a good dad carla was a - tony’s daughter b - the town slut c - a loud mouthed pushy bitch d - the mayor’s wife dave ordered a - the special b - a western omelette c - whatever amanda had d - a soft roll and a glass of water amanda ordered a - the special b - a steak and french fries c - whatever dave had d - a whole chocolate cake the waitress’s name was a - sally b - shirley c - sandi d - millie the waitress thought a - dave was cute b - amanda was pushy c - life was no day at the beach d - it was time for a change tony thought the waitress a - reminded hm of his mother b - hurt his eyes c - should show a little more chest d - should pick up the pace carla was a - bored b - scared c - out of it d - ready for anything suddenly a - bill walked in b - it started to rain c - dave realized he had forgotten his wallet d - carla felt dave’s eyes on her the waitress a - took a deep breath b - wished she was in florida c - thought carla looked familiar d - felt bad vibes coming off dave meanwhile janet a - was asleep b - was getting smashed c - was reading her old diary from high school d - was packing her suitcase and lucy was a - reading a james patterson novel b - planning a vacation c - ready to give it all up d - writing in her notebook aaron was a - lucy’s long lost boy friend b - mickey’s invisible friend c - the life of the party d - just a guy unknown to aaron a - carla had a secret life b - janet had strange dreams c - tony was ready to turn state’s evidence d - dave was a sex addict unknown to amanda a - her mother was a trained deadly assassin b - her ex-husband was a serial killer c - she was allergic to the peanut sauce on the special d - a meteor was about to crash into earth dave was wearing a - blue socks b - black socks c - mint aftershave d - underwear with little cupids on it outside on the sidewalk a - a few raindrops began to fall b - a bum scratched his kneecap c - a woman with three dogs walked by d - a dog sniffed at a styrofoam cup amanda was wearing a - a lacy black thong b - red white and blue nikes c - a pained expression d - a yellow ribbon in her hair the waitress suddenly remembered a - it was tuesday b - it was thursday c - she needed to buy some toilet paper d - life was sad carla was thinking about a - a dry martini b - a vacation on old cape cod c - her first boy friend d - the creepy guy in the parking garage last night tony was thinking about a - the new star wars movie b - the fifth race c - retiring and moving to arizona d - how fucked up everything was moe was a - in arizona b - in a bar down the street c - lost in the recesses of his own mind d - ready to turn hs life around when his order arrived, dave a - smiled at the waitress b - said “this looks great. thanks, sweetheart” c - looked at it and sighed d - suddenly remembered something when her order arrived, amanda a - said “thank you” to the waitress b - realized she wasn’t getting any younger c - attacked it with gusto d - looked at it and sighed suddenly tony felt a - dave looking at him b - amanda thinking about him c - that carla was about to betray him d - that life was meaningless returning to the kitchen, the waitress a - broke down and cried b - called her girl friend c - ate a bread stick d - said a little prayer roy, the cook a - was in love with the waitress b - hated his job c - was a yankee fan d - was a red sox fan nancy, the other waitress a - called in sick b - was a backstabber c - was a saint d - was her own woman behind the restaurant a - a cat was sleeping b - two mice were chasing each other c - the sun was shining d - time went by walter entered the restaurant a - and sat down in a booth by himself b - and time stood still c - and nobody cared d - carrying a battered brown briefcase walter was a - a trained deadly assassin b - permanently unemployed c - the loneliest man in the world d - desperate the waitress a - recognized walter b - did not recognize walter c - smiled at walter d - thought walter looked like a creep walter ordered a - a cup of coffee b - a glass of milk c - the special d - two hot dogs, well done, and cole slaw walter a - said it was a nice day b - asked the waitress if she recognized him c - told the waitress she had a nice smile d - told the waitress she should smile more dave turned around a - and recognized walter immediately b - and nodded to walter c - and pretended not to know walter d - and looked past walter at the rain amanda thought a - what goes around, comes around b - you can’t fight city hall c - they get you in the end d - it’s been a long day, and it’s still not over

adam and beth

by jeremy witherington

illustrations by danny delacroix and eddie el greco

a story with 4,503,599,627,379,496 variations