the first time arthur percival noonan was born, it was in a little shack beside a big river.
the second was on a mountaintop on a desert island in the middle of the ocean.
the third was in a little house beside a road leading to a nuclear waste disposal site.
as soon as arthur was old enough , he changed his name to ali paracelsus excalibur and took to the broad highway.
he took with him a bottle of mineral water, a ham and cheese sandwich with extra mustard, a small bag of potato chips, and copies of his unfinished epic poem and his unfinished epic novel, both of which he had been working on since before birth.
he was picked up by the highway patrol after he had gotten half a mile down the road.
at this moment in time arthur/ali presented the outward appearance of a small middle aged man wearing a gray suit and a gray hat.
this was a slightly unusual look for the particular time and place.
patrolpersons josh varmint fogarty and gail goliath underberry had almost fihished their shift when they came upon ali sauntering down the road with a curiously carefree gait.
ali did not argue or resist , but started to get in the back seat without being asked.
sleepy josh, suddenly alert, found this slightly alarming and carefully patted ali down, but found only the bottle of water, the ham and cheese sandwich, and the two unfinished epics.
gail started to get the vehicle back off the side of the road, but just as she did, another figure appeared.
the newcomer was long and lean, had a scraggly beard and an old straw hat, and a purple sash and a black mustache.
he had a red banjo slung on his shoulder.
on close inspection, the banjo had no strings.
josh got out of the vehicle and approached the man.
what’s your name?
i don’t have to tell you my name.
is that your name? - “i don’t have to tell you my name”?
i know my rights - i don’t have to tell you nothing.
“tell you anytihng” josh corected him with a smile.
josh felt much more at ease with this fellow than he had with ali.
well, i don’t.
i know i don’t, but i can give you one for our purposes.
josh took out his phone and tapped on it.
your name is - ernest eggplant aurelius.
you got no call -
get in the vehicle, ernest.
ernest got in the vehicle.
by the time they reached the processing center, ali and ernest were the best friends ever.
ali did most of the talking.
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